there are many people out there who care about me. everyone is concerned that i will get hurt again, like i did the last time. my friends, my family, my cousins.. i mean, i really do understand their concern. everyone voiced out their opinions in some way or another and probably no one can understand why i am doing what i am doing.

some may think that nothing is gonna ever be the same as it was before, and i agree. Things have changed, and they had to. having lost something once, you learn to appreciate it more, not only from my point of view, but his as well. i guess what i am trying to do now, is slowly build up the trust and faith that i had in him. of course, all this comes with him proving himself and i know that this is what he is doing and i feel it. i am not defending him to anyone, cos with what happened, some may not think he deserves the trust again, but if i don't trust him now, no one else would. if it is in my power to give it one more shot, and i truly believe in it, why not?

i know things may look bleak from the outsider's point of view, and everyone thinks its clearer by looking in from the outside. maybe everyone thinks my mind is still clouded and i cannot see things for what they are. maybe everyone is right, i dunno.

i may not be able to see what you all can see from the outside, but i can feel what i feel from being in it. i would like to think that i know him best, and i understand him, more than anyone does, and that's why i chose to trust him, for the last time. i feel that i dont have to defend him to anyone anymore, because more than anything i think his actions should prove it to everyone. it's probably not gonna happen overnight, but in the long run, people will believe when they see me happy. right now, i guess i am happy even though things are rough, cos at least we are braving the storm together, and facing up to all the crap that awaits us.

if one day everything happens again, i am hurt again, everyone out there can tell me "i told you so" and i would gladly accept it. i would then accept that i was stupid and i deserved to be hurt again. for now, if i can give him that one ounce of trust, i would.

right now, i am appreciating everyone's concerns, cos i know all of you just want to see me happy. i know all of you will stand by my decision even if you all think its not the smartest thing to do, and i thank you all for it.

Love is not rational, and never will be.

merly: thanks for your words that day, cos they touched me, and it meant alot for you to be able to let it go slowly.

hj: thanks for being the person that understands best why i am doing this.

melsa: thanks for always wanting to protect me, cos that means a great deal.

yun: what i am trying to do, to protect you, is exactly what others are doing to me. i hope with all my heart, that you will be happy again.

i know everyone who loves me, is hurt when they see me sad. i am healing now, so i hope you all would too.