Yesterday was a day of mixed feelings.
It started out so horrid, really felt like i was being thrown back into depression. It was like the day he left and the empty feeling came back. Something i haven't felt in a long time... and all this was due to my own doing.
Won't go into long grandmother story, but everyone knows that a breakup is never one person's fault. Yes maybe he made a wrong decision, but i'm no saint either. Maybe i've come across as the "victim" cos he was the one who chose to leave, and made a mistake, but there are always 2 sides of the story. All i can say is that i hurt him bad too, hurt the person i love the most and that feeling really sucks. The way i am, no one would know, and the one person who has seen the worst side of me, has loved me well for 7 years. Right now, though i'm still doing it, still hurting him, he came back. It means alot and i never fully realised and appreciate it until i almost lost him again, for the second time.
I am not heaping all the blame on myself, nor am i letting the mistake he made be forgotten. I am accepting whatever has happened. I think that's the only way to move on, forward. I guess i can only re-learn, learn how to love, better than before. I'm not proud of the gf that i was and i am not proud of the person that i was, i am glad that i can still have a chance to do it all over again. This time, it's gonna be different.
I guess no one else can understand what goes on in our rship, for it is never the same as anyone else'. All i know is that it takes 2 hands to clap. If we're gonna make it work, then we're both gonna work at it, putting in effort that the rship deserves. This is what i am happy doing right now, cos anything beats losing the person you love the most, and realising that you're the one who made him leave in the first place. The road ahead is long and the journey might be arduous, but i guess right now, we both have the faith and we both see the future, so we'll keep working towards that. I guess there is still some light ahead, and the future is still possibly bright.
I'm still sorry i broke your heart.I hope one day i can fully mend your heart, and you can fully mend mine. When things get messy, we'll clean it up together and everything will be ok as long as we stick together.
It started out so horrid, really felt like i was being thrown back into depression. It was like the day he left and the empty feeling came back. Something i haven't felt in a long time... and all this was due to my own doing.
Won't go into long grandmother story, but everyone knows that a breakup is never one person's fault. Yes maybe he made a wrong decision, but i'm no saint either. Maybe i've come across as the "victim" cos he was the one who chose to leave, and made a mistake, but there are always 2 sides of the story. All i can say is that i hurt him bad too, hurt the person i love the most and that feeling really sucks. The way i am, no one would know, and the one person who has seen the worst side of me, has loved me well for 7 years. Right now, though i'm still doing it, still hurting him, he came back. It means alot and i never fully realised and appreciate it until i almost lost him again, for the second time.
I am not heaping all the blame on myself, nor am i letting the mistake he made be forgotten. I am accepting whatever has happened. I think that's the only way to move on, forward. I guess i can only re-learn, learn how to love, better than before. I'm not proud of the gf that i was and i am not proud of the person that i was, i am glad that i can still have a chance to do it all over again. This time, it's gonna be different.
I guess no one else can understand what goes on in our rship, for it is never the same as anyone else'. All i know is that it takes 2 hands to clap. If we're gonna make it work, then we're both gonna work at it, putting in effort that the rship deserves. This is what i am happy doing right now, cos anything beats losing the person you love the most, and realising that you're the one who made him leave in the first place. The road ahead is long and the journey might be arduous, but i guess right now, we both have the faith and we both see the future, so we'll keep working towards that. I guess there is still some light ahead, and the future is still possibly bright.
I'm still sorry i broke your heart.I hope one day i can fully mend your heart, and you can fully mend mine. When things get messy, we'll clean it up together and everything will be ok as long as we stick together.
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