How is it possible that i am watching my favourite sitcom of all time, F.R.I.E.N.D.S and still be crying? It is something that i can't fathom.
Yesterday was alot of me-time. Me being alone at home, me watching TV alone (the whole season 5 of Friends), me just reflecting on life in general. I haven't really been alone for 7 long years, and it is a refreshing change. The loneliness is overwhelming and sometimes, all u need is a great big bear hug to tell u that everything is gonna be ok. When that big bear hug doesn't come, u just start compartmentalizing. Never thought i could do it, but i opened the tupperware, stuff all thoughts about him into one huge container and tucked it away. Once that was done, i functioned, normally. (at least i think i did)
At one point in time, i came across our book, the one we wrote our thoughts in for each other and it was filled with our joy, our laughter and our tears.... I realised and finally saw the cracks in our rship (cos i was finally reading it without crying). The surprising thing is i realised that i was the one who wanted out, most of the time. Since when did the balance of our rship change? My good pal, Marcus once told me that in a rship, there will always be ebbs n flows... there will never be a time where both parties are giving the same amount. So, how did things change from me being the one that wanted out of the rship, to me being the dumpee? Maybe things are easier for the dumper. At least, the control is with u.
Right before u hit the pillows at nite and waking up in the mornings are prob going to be the most painful of times.
Last night, i wanted a sign, i needed a sign. Any sign, just to let me know if that's the end of the road, or if there is still a sliver of hope. I waited for my phone to ring, a msg to come true, anything at all. Nope. Nought. None. I fell asleep with the phone in my hands.
and..... i had a dream.
It was a dream that i never expected (yar er, realising that i cant really control them).
He came back for me. But..... i finally realised that i can't be with him anymore, and i realised i didn't love him anymore. So i left him.
hmmm is that a sign or what?
Yesterday was alot of me-time. Me being alone at home, me watching TV alone (the whole season 5 of Friends), me just reflecting on life in general. I haven't really been alone for 7 long years, and it is a refreshing change. The loneliness is overwhelming and sometimes, all u need is a great big bear hug to tell u that everything is gonna be ok. When that big bear hug doesn't come, u just start compartmentalizing. Never thought i could do it, but i opened the tupperware, stuff all thoughts about him into one huge container and tucked it away. Once that was done, i functioned, normally. (at least i think i did)
At one point in time, i came across our book, the one we wrote our thoughts in for each other and it was filled with our joy, our laughter and our tears.... I realised and finally saw the cracks in our rship (cos i was finally reading it without crying). The surprising thing is i realised that i was the one who wanted out, most of the time. Since when did the balance of our rship change? My good pal, Marcus once told me that in a rship, there will always be ebbs n flows... there will never be a time where both parties are giving the same amount. So, how did things change from me being the one that wanted out of the rship, to me being the dumpee? Maybe things are easier for the dumper. At least, the control is with u.
Right before u hit the pillows at nite and waking up in the mornings are prob going to be the most painful of times.
Last night, i wanted a sign, i needed a sign. Any sign, just to let me know if that's the end of the road, or if there is still a sliver of hope. I waited for my phone to ring, a msg to come true, anything at all. Nope. Nought. None. I fell asleep with the phone in my hands.
and..... i had a dream.
It was a dream that i never expected (yar er, realising that i cant really control them).
He came back for me. But..... i finally realised that i can't be with him anymore, and i realised i didn't love him anymore. So i left him.
hmmm is that a sign or what?
4 Comments:
FRIENDS. . .. VOMIT
maybe... it's your subconscious telling you that you'll be able to get over this eventually. in the meantime, chin up :)
Hi, this is Santy from Indonesia. I came across your blog. You know, breaking up is never easy. I'm sure you'll get through it okay. Keep writing! I know writing helps me a lot to keep my life going. Best of luck to you!
hey santy, thanks for ur kind words! :)
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