Went out with my council mates for dinner at PS. Same old bunch who never fail to make me laugh. Everyone kinda knows about my situation.

I guess they have never seen me this way before. I was always the one making them laugh at stupid bimbotic comments i make and i was always good old pam ready for laugh, always talking non stop. They probably didn't know what it was like to see my upset. I tried not to let it show, to join in and laugh my heart out.

Some asked me how everything was going, some tried subtler ways to tell me that i could always ask them out if i needed company, and some just acted like everything was normal, so i could be normal. Great and sweet in their own little ways. Thanks guys.

I cry alot inside my heart and when i go to sleep. However i try not to cry in public for fear of appearing weak.
Talking to Pris in the afternoon made me realise that this bunch of friends have only seen me cry my heart out once before, and to them i was always cheerful Pam.

One of the major times i cried publicly in SA, was when the A level results were out. I received a phone call of bad news and tears just started flowing non stop. It wasnt about my own results, yet i was crying buckets for someone else.

The second time i cried publicly was when i saw what i shouldn't have seen. One sunday, in taka, in the middle of town. I couldn't stop crying and i bumped into Pris.

Well, some advice given was that i shouldn't cry anymore. Spilt milk and wasted tears. I guess that is true.

But, I cry because I love. The day i stop crying will be the day i stop loving.