just a quick entry before i head off for a sumptious meal at the Raffles Hotel with my colleagues! YAY treat from boss... hehe.. hope the food is great!

Had a great weekend and in a really good mood... so... happy halloween folks!

It is a slooooow slooooow day at work.

I am yawning away, and trying my best to write. It's not really working, but at least it is FRIDAY.

Like my colleague says... thank god for multi-culturalism, so at least we get more public holidays. HOORAY!

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Wow, i can't believe who i just met on the bus on the way to work. This is uber weird.

I bumped into the guy i lost my first kiss to!

Ha, yes that is weird but well, i wasn't exactly a willing party and no, i don' t think he was either. Maybe because it happened way back in kindergarten!

This was what went down. It was my end of kindergarten graduation ceremony, and being at a private child-care centre, we pretty much got to do anything we wanted. My teachers decided that it would be cool, or cute, to see us act out a version of Sleeping Beauty! Yes, Sleeping Beauty, the fairy-tale. So everyone got arrowed to play a certain part and of course, all the girls were dying to play the lead role. Well, i half wanted it, but i thought it would be cool to be the wicked witch as well, cos it would increase my repertoire of roles, rather than always playing the damsel in distress. (well i was Miss Muffet, the year before, kena scared by the spider...tsk)

OK... story continues... and somehow or another, i kena arrowed to play Sleeping Beauty. Well, it was kinda a thrill to receive high accolades for my acting, so early on in life, but the scary thing is, i found out that there was a kissing scene in it! *insert traumatised face* The silly teachers were not going to remove the scene as they thought it was crucial to the plot! ARGH! Ok, well, thank goodness, it was not a slobbering-wet-kiss kinda scene, but more like a peck on the cheek kind. (and no, of course no tongue, we were in blardy KINDERGARTEN!)But. it was still scary to a 5 year old kid. Every time we had a rehearsal, and after the "kiss" i would quickly wipe my cheek with my hankie, except for the real performance itself. I was just smiling and trying hard not to think about it, concentrating on the scene. HA.

And well, i bumped into Mr "Prince Charming" on the bus today! It was awkward cos i think he recognised me, and of course i couldn't forget that face. He's quite cute, but i seem to rem another cuter guy in my class, who got the role of the WICKED WITCH... what a waste, i know.
Ha, dang, and i woke up kinda late, so hair was in a mess, grab a frumpy outfit and left, not thinking i would bump into anyone.

It has been a good 18 years since it happened, so it is a wonder how some events stay in your memories and you remember them so clearly even though it is more than a decade ago. Though a tad traumatising, it is fond... the good old days.

Something sweet to share with everyone who is reading. It is sweet and meaningful...  

Ok the blog looks kinda weird now, but, whatever...

I'm sitting at home, trying my best to write, cos i woke up with a backache of the highest supreme level, and suddenly my foot hurt too! ARGH. Had to troop down to the Docs who gave me some anti-inflammatories and told me it wasn't anything much, that i just strained my back. Hmmf.

Things always crop up at work when i'm not around. It really is Murphy's Law ain't it. Argh, nothing much i can do, except hope that it is nothing big.

Well, it is one year into the job and the learning curve is almost hitting a plateau. It's about time to move on and will need the right job, so keeping fingers crossed. So friends, any lobangs, drop me an email yar...

pammie blogged at 7.37 pm

+

seriously, either blogger is kinda screwed up or someone has hacked into my acct.

yesterday's post was shorter than it should be... and now, something wrong with my template. ARGH. so frustrating....

dunno what's wrong but gonna try and make it right again. I hate it though, when my post disappears, cos you can never replicate the same post with the same words again... argh.

How do you know when you're really important to someone?

Like in a company, you know your worth by your pay, and your bonuses. In a family environment, you know you're important and part of the family through the blood flowing through your veins. From your friends, you know you're important to them, when they bother to call you, drop you a msg or update you whenever something major happens in their lives.

But to that special person in your life, i think you somehow just trust your instinct and trust in them, that you are actually that important to them.

Sometimes, they say things or do stuff that makes your heart go woozy, and special words are said to tell you that you're important. Every little thing said and done, is to make you feel that extra bit special. Every hug, every hand-squeeze, every small little act. I think somehow, there will be times that aren't so good and this is when you squeeze the mileage out of these small acts and appreciate them fully, to remind you of things that you might forget. Maybe by remembering, things aren't as bad as they seem. Slowly, as time passes, hopefully, these acts will get more, and you trust in them, to the extent that you won't need anything to know what's in the other's heart. For now, things are still ok, there are good times and bad ones, but you remember only the good and just head on forward.

Haha, i am quite pleased with my new blog layout! It's quite me, hor?

Anyway, TGIF, looking forward to the weekend ahead =)

weekend = party + food + LOST+ Desperate Housewives+ O.C+ Gilmore Girls+ catching up on sleep + friends + mahjong + strolling around town + family time + bumming around + reading my fave mags.

so, what's your weekend equation? share it with me!

Well just checked my previous post and wondered why the pics turned out so dark... hmmm looked fine on my lappie at home but looks dreary on my office comp. oh well oh well.

Addy concluded that blogging is a gd way to keep in touch with everyone's life, cos everytime we meet, she doesn't need me to update on stuff, cos she already knows! haha. Except sometimes when i being cryptic about some more personal going-ons then she will clarify it on the spot. haha thats the beauty of a blog. Cher doesnt think so though, she thinks then we would have nothing to talk about! How could we ever? We are the dim sum sistas. Miss ya Qi! You all should start blogging!

Feeling pretty good these days, probably cos i am well-rested, at least 7 hrs of beauty sleep per night. (but it's never enough... cos i'm a sleepy head) Watching my fave shows on TV. At work, things have been kinda hectic, but it beats having nothing to do. I'm basically conserving my energy and pumped up for the weekend ahead. I lurve my weekends, they bring surprises, meetings with dear old friends, and just having fun. Makes the weekdays slightly more bearable.

Made a mini-resolution cos i am inspired. From next week, i will be running again. Well, at least i will start with a once a week thing, until, dare i say it, i will be training again! Running has always been a passion, but i never felt the need to go back to a sport i left behind in my sec sch days. I run from time to time, but not as seriously as i did in the past. Maybe it is a constant fear that no matter how hard i push, i will not get to hit my targets or i wouldn't be able to get to the peak that i wanna reach. I guess, for now, i am kinda inspired, so i hope this feeling of motivation stays, for me to do this long enough.

The simple things in life are just great , like when you hear a great song on the radio, and you just get lost in it for 3 mins. It kinda makes your hour, or even your day. My current fave is a popsy, catchy new tune from the Sugababes called Push The Button... its such a hum-friendly tune that you can't help bobbing to it. haha...

This is long overdue... but i just found a cool family pic taken at my parent's ann. Hehe... now we all know that i am short. :) Btw just in case you guys were wondering, my parents are in the middle and that is my YOUNGER sis and my YOUNGER bro. Don't they look older? hehe.

Ok this is kinda ego, but its cool to have your name etched out so nicely, at the door of your private VIP room!  

Life is pretty beautiful still.

It's been awhile since i blogged... but the weekend was great.

Had dinner at Thai Express with my dim sum sistas on Fri nite and caught up on their lives over yellow seafood laksa and tom yum soup. Seems like all is good for them and it was always nice to bond over girlytalk.

Headed on down to the german pub opp Walas at Holland to meet up with my track buddies for some drinks. Its been a loooong while since we all hung out together, and it is really weird considering that we hung out after school every single day back in our RV days. We just chatted and got to know abit more about each other's lives. The funny thing is, we realised, that none of us have changed very much. When we get together, the dynamics were pretty much the same and we had a blast. The 3 older fogeys, Yun, Me and Ernie stayed on after they left and chatted over dimsum at 3 am in the morning. It was fun.

Ernie got me some brochures on Sat from some Study in Australia fair and i'm seriously considering heading over to Sydney to get my post-grad in journalism. It is kinda my wish for the longest time, to live overseas and to find myself. Well, i guess i would wanna, just deciding on the place now.

Really won't know how life would turn out in the near future, so not thinking too far ahead, and just do what i wanna do for now. Life is short, so why not make it sweet?

I blogged an uber long entry before this, but i just deleted it, after realising that i only have one thing to say:

All because the chance to start everything again is just too precious...

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

-- Held, Natalie Grant 

there are many people out there who care about me. everyone is concerned that i will get hurt again, like i did the last time. my friends, my family, my cousins.. i mean, i really do understand their concern. everyone voiced out their opinions in some way or another and probably no one can understand why i am doing what i am doing.

some may think that nothing is gonna ever be the same as it was before, and i agree. Things have changed, and they had to. having lost something once, you learn to appreciate it more, not only from my point of view, but his as well. i guess what i am trying to do now, is slowly build up the trust and faith that i had in him. of course, all this comes with him proving himself and i know that this is what he is doing and i feel it. i am not defending him to anyone, cos with what happened, some may not think he deserves the trust again, but if i don't trust him now, no one else would. if it is in my power to give it one more shot, and i truly believe in it, why not?

i know things may look bleak from the outsider's point of view, and everyone thinks its clearer by looking in from the outside. maybe everyone thinks my mind is still clouded and i cannot see things for what they are. maybe everyone is right, i dunno.

i may not be able to see what you all can see from the outside, but i can feel what i feel from being in it. i would like to think that i know him best, and i understand him, more than anyone does, and that's why i chose to trust him, for the last time. i feel that i dont have to defend him to anyone anymore, because more than anything i think his actions should prove it to everyone. it's probably not gonna happen overnight, but in the long run, people will believe when they see me happy. right now, i guess i am happy even though things are rough, cos at least we are braving the storm together, and facing up to all the crap that awaits us.

if one day everything happens again, i am hurt again, everyone out there can tell me "i told you so" and i would gladly accept it. i would then accept that i was stupid and i deserved to be hurt again. for now, if i can give him that one ounce of trust, i would.

right now, i am appreciating everyone's concerns, cos i know all of you just want to see me happy. i know all of you will stand by my decision even if you all think its not the smartest thing to do, and i thank you all for it.

Love is not rational, and never will be.

merly: thanks for your words that day, cos they touched me, and it meant alot for you to be able to let it go slowly.

hj: thanks for being the person that understands best why i am doing this.

melsa: thanks for always wanting to protect me, cos that means a great deal.

yun: what i am trying to do, to protect you, is exactly what others are doing to me. i hope with all my heart, that you will be happy again.

i know everyone who loves me, is hurt when they see me sad. i am healing now, so i hope you all would too.

I can't even begin to blog about my looong extreme weekend, so i'm just gonna do it in point form, whatever comes into my mind, random thoughts of the weird and eventful weekend that i had.

• Got sent to the hospital on friday morning cos of an acute pain in my lower abdomen. Thought it was apendicitis but thank god it wasn't. Had to go through a couple of jabs of painkillers and blood tests before they let me go. Phew.

• Someone sweet popped by to visit after that and brought me out for dinner and a movie after realising the ordeal that i went through

• Watched 'Goal' at JP. Not too bad, but just pretty predictable, like all sports movies are.

• Had a really amazing conversation with someone

• Finally collected my parent's anniversary present. :)

• Headed to Zhiwei's place for swimming+ bbq session. Ate like a pig but the mozarella cheese prawns, sambal stingray, honey chicken wings and chicken fillet were just too good to resist. Renz, Yan and Ber, sorry you guys had to miss out on the delicious food. No probs though, we made sure we ate enough to cover your portions.

• House-hopped to Jixian's for MAHJONG! ooh la la, we finally completed our first official mahjong session and i won $7 bucks! PWAH! considering that i was the only idiot who didnt know how to count the "tais" and stuff, its pretty decent eh?

• Heading down to Chijmes for my parents' wedding anniversary dinner tml. Cool eh. Prob gonna eat like a pig again.

So, how's that for a pretty exciting weekend of medication, cranberry juice, chicken wings and mahjong?

Now, i just need to get some ZZzzzzzzzzz.

Taking a leaf from my fave blog...

A is for age: 23
B is for booze of choice: Vodka
C is for career: Media/ Publishing
D is for your dad's name: Henry
E is for essential items to bring to a party: Food and a big bright smile!
F is for favourite song at the moment: Held - Natalie Grant or Wake me up when September ends - Green Day
G is for favourite game: the sims or topspin!
H is for home town:Singapore
I is for instruments you play: Piano
J is for jam or jelly you like: Don't like jam or jello. :(
K is for kids: No thanks.
L is for living arrangements: still at home
M is for mom's name: Iris
N is for name of your crush: isn't it obvious?
O is for overnight hospital stays: High fever when i was 9
P is for phobias: cats, heights
Q is for quotes you like: The greatest you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: For now, its Ernie, at close to 7 years.
S is for sexual preference: Definitely all man.
T is for time you wake up: 8am
U is for underwear: No one needs to know that...
V is for vegetables you love: Long beans, cucumber, kang kong, xiao bai cai
W is for weekend plans: Meeting up with track friends, BBQ, Swimming, Parents' Anniversary Dinner
X is for x-rays you've had: None
Y is for yummy food you make: I don't make food. Me and domestic chores don't go.
Z is for zodiac sign: Leo

ok... went for a haircut.

it was supposed to look like Heidi Klum's nice hair, cos i brought a pic of her to the salon.

Now, i look like Heidi Klumsy... :(

A piece of advice from the wise Anguisette...from one of our many MSN conversations. We learn something new everyday.

Pam says:
but i am the always act GUNGHO kinda girl

Pam says:
i am never sappy

Pam says:
like this

Pam says:
eeeeeks

anguissette. says:
dun act gungho

anguissette. says:
must have times to act weak

anguissette. says:
so boys will feel manly

anguissette. says:
its all a matter of balance

Pam says:
ahhh

Pam says:
words of wisdom

anguissette. says:
then they can have excuse to be caring

anguissette. says:
it's why some boys like super girlie girls

anguissette. says:
"i cannot! help me! help me!" so helpless

anguissette. says:
urgh

anguissette. says:
but they like

Feeling pretty alright today... no major ups and downs these few days, just a few great conversations, heavy workload, and some screwed up colleagues. haha. Well, story of my life so far.
Looking forward to the weekend already even though its only Wed.

My parents' 25th wedding anniversary this weekend. Its a really nice feeling, knowing that your parents love each other so much. Looking at them as individuals, i never understood how they could fall for each other, but somehow, it worked, and worked well for 25 years now. There were no lack of fights, quarrels, or bad times, but somehow, their promise to each other, their love for each other, made it work. They are probably still madly in love, and though maybe it has mellowed into a mature kind of love, it is still heart-warming to see them together. It's their Silver anniversary, a milestone in their lives, and in mine as well...

Feeling calm and grounded these days... and happen to catch my feel-good song on the radio...

" Dancing in the moonlight
Everybody's feeling warm and bright.
It is such a fine and natural sight,
Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight... "

Yesterday will be known as THE DAY I GOT MY 3rd PAIR of BIRKS and ALMOST LOST IT!

Haha, finally collected my birks from Elin. They are seriously well-travelled and flew all the way back from Frankfurt! (Thanks Sen!) Ernie and i were pretty happy with the buys except they didn't come in a box, understandable, cos they had to be packed into Elin's luggage. We received them in this huge Birkenstock plastic bag that was so long it had to be held in a special way, as concocted by the wise one. Ha.

While strolling at Carrefour, checking out classic DVDs, we heard a thud. We both looked down and saw one side of my nice pastel green birks lying on the floor. No biggie right? He picked it up and opened the bag, only to exclaim "Where is the other side!"
*insert shocked faces. Oh no!

We started to retrace our steps and i was on the verge of a panic attack and he had G-U-I-L-T written all over his face.... until we spotted this green thing lying near the the electronics section. We sprinted over and phew, no damage was done, besides being kicked around by a few aunties.

Haha it was damn funny man. We just both heaved a sigh of huge relief after recovering the slipper.

BTW did you guys know that Birkenstocks are pronounced as Beer-ken-stocks in Europe? haha. Funny shite.

Decided that it was time for more random facts on myself... saw this on my friend's blog and decided to do it too! Tagging anyone who reads this... =)

Ten years ago i was...
In my first yr of sec sch life, figuring life out, which ECA to join and which guy to have a crush on. Fell head over heels for a guy for the first time, had the time of my life with the track team and made friends who would last my whole life. Young and innocent but really happy.

Five years ago i was...
18. Having the greatest time of my life in my JC, mugging real hard for the As, and feeling loved more than anything in the world. Life was stable yet sweet. Bonding with the councillors in sch, hanging out in the Caf with my dim sum sistas, and spending time with my dearest on the weekends, watching soccer, catching movies... pure quality time. It was bliss.

One year ago i was...
starting out on my new job, facing up to my fears, progressing to the next phase of life with my guy standing by me through everything. Fresh grad, and just glad that i have a job. Very unsure, very uncertain phase, but still made it through. Weekends were still great, blissful and weekdays were exciting, not knowing what to expect from the job.

Yesterday i was...
in town. shopping and having tons of fun. bumped into the love of my life and made the day so much sweeter. Though alone and single now, i was never truly alone in my heart. Hj also made me laugh the whole day and glad it was a day of glee.

Five songs i know all the words to:

Lisa Loeb --- Stay

Lauryn Hill--- Can't take my eyes off you

Oasis --- Wonderwall

Take That --- Most of their songs ie How deep is your love, Never Forget, Back for good (yes it was a long time ago, i was a boyband fan)

Sugar Ray --- Someday

Five things i would do with a 100 million dollars:
-Travel the world with my loved one and buy all the shoes on Vintage Kicks =)
- Buy a house in NZ and let my parents retire comfortably and immediately
- Send my sis to vet school and my bro to whatever sch he wants, anywhere in the world
- Help all my friends to fulfil their current wants
-Get a nice house and car and live happily ever after ( i know, i know, $ is not everything, but it is something)

Five Bad Habits:
- Not being able to wake up in the morning
- Procrastination
- Snacking
- Can't handle too much rejection/criticism
- Judging people too fast and too quickly

Five Biggest Joys:
- Being loved
- Writing & Reading
- Close friends
- Watching my fave shows
- Learning

Five things i would never wear:
- Boots (at least not in Sg)
- Vests
- Non colour coordinated clothes (ie Purple top with green skirt... ew)
- Leather pants
- Tapered pants

Five Fave TV Shows: (pls don't limit me to 5, i can't stop listing!)
- SATC
- The O.C
- Gilmore Girls
- 24
- Alias
- Lost
- Felicity
- F.R.I.E.N.D.S
- Ally Mcbeal

Five fictional characters i would like to date:
- Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry in F.R.I.E.N.D.S)
- Seth Cohen ( Adam Broday in The O.C)
- James "Sawyer" Ford (Josh Holloway in Lost)
- Ben Covington (Scott Speedman in Felicity)
- Sandy Cohen (Peter Gallagher in The O.C)

step by step, heart to heart.

taking really small baby steps now. with every move, i think, with every step, i consider. i'm trying to do everything within me now, and most importantly, i'm trying to loosen the grip. I'm trying to let go of the past, the dark period and start anew. It's not easy, but it's definitely worth it to know that every single move, though hard, is being appreciated by someone. Not grasping it too tightly and letting it go will only lead it back to me. I understand that now, for nothing left at all. Everything is still in the heart, and always will be.

Letting go doesnt mean letting go in the heart...

Now, just waiting for the stars to align themselves, and the time to be right, for everything to be put in the past, before stepping together towards the future ahead.

fate has a huge part to play in the many things that happen to us. fate controls what we see, what we do and what eventually occur to us. i believe in fate, but more so, my gut and a woman's intuition.

fate is a good way to attribute everything to, and if something doesn't go your way, its a great scapegoat as well. Just think of it as its just not meant to be, and its just not destined to be that way.

stars hafta be aligned, and everything has to fall into place, just for a coincidence to happen. a sweet one that is.

had a great day shopping, eating and talking. thanks for the great company. =)