The weekend's almost gone in a flash. The more i look forward to it, the more it seems to pass faster than i can bear. Now, i can only look forward to the next weekend, and hope it would be a fun filled one.

Just came back from the War-zone aka Ikea. It was totally insane. Relax people, it's just FURNITURE! I got shoved by countless aunties with their trolleys, trying to get to the cheap cutlery on offer or fancy place mats that were so cheep! ARGH. They drove me crazy. The only reason i was there on a Sunday afternoon was cos it was the only time my mum was available to pick out my new bed. (hee, a loft bed, finally!) My sis and i are back to revamping our room, a forgotten plan that was cast aside for way too long cos of our mismatched schedules. Sigh, anyway, finally bought what we wanted and we fled, as fast as we could. In exchange for all that madness, I am proud to say that I... am a FRIEND of IKEA. Got the card and now i can get complimentary drinks everytime i'm there! Muahaha.

Sometimes all the madness in the world got me to thinking how much of a homebody i am. Sometimes i rather be home, with have a little me-time, chilling with a book and good music. It really does take a crazy life out there to realise that sometimes the simple things in life, are enough to satisfy you. Simple things like a good conversation, a great book, a nice cold drink, or just a sweet nap are often taken for granted. I am but a simple girl, and i yearn for a simple happy life. No more complications and drama. I just want to be loved and be wanted, so i hope i find that simple simple kind of happiness, someday.

Life is just back to it's ol' routine. Just trudging on day by day.

Went for a scrumptious spa session last night after work. Short as it was, it was still damn shiok! Got a back massage coupled with a back scrub, and then a steam bath session. Ooh la la, it did wonders to my tired eyes and waning appetite that i lost since 3 mths ago. Slurped up a mountain of fried noodles for dinner after that... super guilty. Am trying my utmost to stay skinny and not put on the bloody 6 kg that i've lost.

Well, looking forward to next week, when all my close friends are gonna be back from the US for their summer hols, pam, mike and ren... Looking forward to catching up and having a fun-filled August, one of my fave months of the year.

A new day. A new life.

Still feeling kinda queasy after a weird bout of food poisoning, and not feeling 100% yet. Back to work but still puking. Sigh.

Was daydreaming in my own lala-land again, and thought about love and life. For starters, i think love is a paradox. Love is selfless yet selfish. One can sacrifice a whole lot for love, one can do almost anything for this little thing called love. However, love is also selfish. True romantic love can only be shared between 2 people, no more, no less. Despite popular belief, threesomes are not fun when it comes to a real relationship. No one wants to share and no one will be able to endure the pain of sharing. So, no matter how much one can sacrifice, there will be a line drawn somewhere. We read of stories of polygamy and how emperors can take many concubines. It is just not right. I don't believe in it, and i can't believe anyone in the sane mind can be happy being 1 out of 2.

I still believe in true love, despite everything i've seen and went through. True love endures all things, and it stays strong, no matter what.

For me, i am gonna take a breather, sit back and let life happen.

"Hold on to patience and watch for the sign.
Everything in its time."

Sometimes no words are needed. Sometimes silence is golden.

Thank you for everything.

25th July.

This day will always be special to me. It belongs to us, and i guess it always will.

The significance of this day will be be there forever. The love will be there forever.
Someone once told me that 2 people might be truly in love, but it doesn't mean that they have to be together. I think that it's true. Love exists even when you don't see each other every single day, or even when you are apart.

More than anything, i want to thank you, for loving me in the past, for loving me now, and maybe for loving me, in the future. Thank you for the wonderful and fond memories that will always keep my heart warm. You're special to me and you will always be.

" True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does." --- Kissing a Fool

Attended my first engagement party last night. Glenda and Mark are 2 of the nicest peeps in the world and the proposal was really one of the most romantic ones i've heard so far.
So so so saccharine sweet. It was fairy-tale like.
Managed to catch up with alot of council folks, and it was fun.

Went for Dim sum lunch with my family today. Nice and yummmmy. Adjourned to Haagen Dazs for great dessert.. hehe guilty and sinful, but what the heck.

Just a great whirlwind weekend. Tiring but fulfilling, being able to meet up with all the people i love.

I think too much for my own good. I reminisce, i ponder, i wonder, i think. Sometimes i get lost in my thoughts, sometimes i choose to push these notions away, sometimes i indulge in them.
Afterall, they are my thoughts and i am the only person that can control them.

It was a great night last night. Had dinner and watched Sin City with one of my fave people in the world. Just like the good ol' times. We did the routine, ate chicken rice at Far East, strolled down town together, and enjoyed a fantastic film together. This time, things were different, status-wise. However, it was enjoyable. Conversations flowed freely and so did laughter. It was yet again comfy being together.

At the end of the day, great nights like these had to end, but at least its one more memory in the memory card. =)

" Set them free, sweet pea. Don't forget it's the best way to get them to come back"

Somehow i feel that i am kinda weird. I think i am not typical girlfriend material. I am an anomaly.

You know how girls tend to enjoy watching their guy engage in macho sports from the sidelines, cheering them on, and just being there? I realise that i'm not really that kinda of girl. I'm more of the kind who jumps right into the heart of the action.

I remember when i was back in secondary school, we went for numerous chalets. When the guys would wanna rough it out in a soccer match, my gal pals and i would join in for a kickabout. It was hilarious but all in good fun.

I started watching soccer back in Primary 6 and i know more EPL stats than most guys back in secondary school. I watched soccer matches with my guy too!

When he started playing tennis and fell in love with the sport, i picked up a racket too. I learnt it from scratch so that i could play with him. It was a great sense of satisfaction when he actually says " Good shot" from the other side of the court, not to mention, a great bonding experience too.

When the most amazing tennis game was launched on Xbox, me the computer idiot, agreed to learn how to play Top Spin, just so i could try my darnest to thrash him and serve him an ace, which i couldnt do in real life. We laughed alot together and though he beat me most of the time, i didn't really care. Discussing the latest tennis news and eating popcorn together while watching the Slams were also fantastic. We never supported the same player, but it was always nice to argue over who's better.

When he fell in love with his 'kicks', i was fed with information about his shoes 24/7. They were his obsession. Instead of ignoring it, i read up on the sites he provided and i'm proud to say i now know the names of most limited SBs. When he wanted to queue up at Queensway for the latest release, i packed my bags and was there on the uncomfortable stairs for the whole night. It was one of my fondest memories.

I am also proud to say that i can easily kick his ass at Street Fighter, just by using my fave Chunli. =)

Well, maybe being an anomaly is not what guys what. Maybe guys just really need their girl to be a girl, just be there to provide eye candy, and "moral support", cheering by the sidelines.

Maybe that is really what guys what.

p/s: HAPPY BIRTHDAY REN!

Everyone who knows me, knows that every trip to the hairdresser's will turn into whine-fest once i step out of the place.

Today is no different.

I was looking at myself in the mirror and thought, my hair looks kinda boring, maybe i should go trim it.

So with that thought, i went to the salon after work. I envisioned cutting my new fringe in my mind. The sexy short fringe, half falling over the eyes kind....

Then.....

I walked out of the salon with a cuckoo short fringe that is not even falling over my eyebrows.

AAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Love this song, really meaningful... Here's part of the lyrics, words from the heart. Enjoy.

"The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time"

-- Everything in its time (Corinne May)

Exes: Can't love them, can't hate them.

That is my phrase of the day.

It got me thinking of my failed relationships. A grand total of 2, (yes, stop laughing, it's not a huge number). There were just 2 special guys in my life, 2 who are now known as my exes. I have learnt alot from these 2 guys, learnt how to love, learnt how to be loved.

My first relationship was a pretty much non-relationship. We were too young, we didn't know much about love, we were just very infatuated. He caught my attention when he dropped by my class too often. He would just try to make me notice him by snatching my stuff. It was weird, but then i was slowly intrigued by this guy. He started to change his attitude towards me, and became really sweet, and before we knew it, we were a couple.

I can't say that we were very close or we connected on a certain level, but i certainly had a humongous crush on him, and it came close to the first time that i would call being in love. He was also the one, who really touched my heart for the first time. I don't know many guys that would wake up super early, just to wait for their girl at her bus stop, to get to school together. Obviously, not having much in common, and being at the wrong place, wrong time, we didn't last very long.

I can't say that i hate him, cos i don't. He dealt me my first heartbreak, and was the first guy i ever shed tears for. But i don't hate him, cos he made me learn, he made me grow from that heartbreak. However, i could never love him again. He is simply not my kind.

My second relationship just ended abt 3 mths ago. Things were different with this second guy. He isn't just any other guy, we were best friends before everything fell into place. He was always there where i needed a listening ear. We hung out, and we clicked in more ways than one. We could talked for ages on the phone and still have plenty to say when we met up. It was just a really comfortable feeling.

Things only began when one felt more for the other. He paged me one night to ask if he could bring our friendship to another level. I hesistated. I paused and i panicked. It never crossed my mind that i would want my best friend to be my boyfriend! I rejected him, fearing of losing the best friend in the whole wide world. I didn't. We went on as normal, and things never changed. He persisted and went on to tell me again, but got rejected for the 2nd time. This time, things were different, and wheels in my head and heart started turning, and i was wavering. I felt like i was falling for him. I decided to take a chance, and told him, yeah.... that i would be willing to try and see how things worked out.

It worked out well, for 7 long years. We were amazing together, we fit like hands in glove, and sparks just flew. Everytime he held my hand, or touched me, i felt a tingle in my bones. Our chemistry was just sizzling. The more we were together, the better we were. I was totally head over heels in love with him, and so was he, with me. It was the most perfect relationship i could ever ask for. We grew up together, we laughed and cried together. It was just special. We supported each other really well, and we complemented each other through our differences.

He was also sweet, in his special own way. He was a fantastic writer, he wrote really heartfelt letters to me, every single day in school. He said the most sincere words and he gave me his whole heart. His every single act, was out of love for me. I have never felt so loved in my life. It was a feeling that i cannot describe in words.

Everything was great. But like all good things, it has to come to an end.

Maybe i didn't treasure what we had, maybe he didn't too.

The end is always painful, especially for me, as it was something i grew to believe in. Our relationship. Things went awry, and we lost it. I blogged through most of my tears, so it is well documented here. I could never hate him for everything he has done. He means so much to me, and is still very very important to me. He taught me so much, how to share, how to love, how to give, how to live. He was the light in my life. He may not be the most perfect guy in the world, but he certainly is the most perfect guy, for me.

Things are different now. We still hang out, still keep in touch, and we still feel for each other, but like the butterfly effect, change one thing, you change everything. As much as i can't hate him, i find it hard to love him wholeheartedly. The pain and the hurt comes oozing back when i think of us. I think i am able to forgive him for causing all the hurt and pain, but i am not sure if i will be able to forget. Every now and then, it still stings, it still hurts. Maybe it is there, like a constant reminder, that the wound has to be completely healed first, before i am able to love again. Maybe what the wound needs, is the very person who inflicted it to mend it. Maybe what the wound needs, is a totally new healer to close it forever and make sure there will be no more wounds, ever again. Nobody knows.

Whatever comes will come. These 2 guys have been important figures in my life, and maybe it is unfair to associate the 2 of them together, as one will always be special while the other is no longer in my life. However, they both made me learn alot, by breaking my heart. I think i have learnt enough about love, i think i am ready to be selfless and just bare my heart. I just hope the next one, would be able to hold my heart well and not let it fall, breaking into pieces.

Can't love them, can't hate them.

" To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them, when they have forgotten."
- Anonymous

Everytime when i get my daily dose of inspiration from reading really reflective and mature blogs, i feel dwarfed. Dwarfed by how introspective these people are, and dwarfed by their immense maturity. I feel like i'm not a girl, not yet a woman. I haven't reached the point in life where i am confident, where i know exactly what i want in life, and i'm dashing towards it with zeal.

Last Friday, i had a meeting with a really special person, a real woman who i am not afraid to call my idol. She is a great role model, self-assured, intellectual, amazingly humble, and really genuine, with a huge heart. In a mere 40 minutes, i've learnt so much by just listening to her speak. It was really insightful.

I am not sure when i will actually be a full-fledged woman, like her. I am but a kid now, a child, trying to learn the way of life, to be sure of myself, and to have my own mind. I am still growing and learning with every baby step.

Yet, compare me now, with me, one year ago. A really fresh graduate, sick of studying and looking forward to working life, to what i am today, someone stuck in the crossroads of working life, thinking if i should take on more challenges or be comfy sitting on my tush, resting my laurels. Making a decision and sticking to my choice, i think, is the grown-up way to go. For now, i am taking the road i most want to travel on, and see how far i can push myself. Wish me luck, and if this jump is too large, hopefully i can fall on my ass comfortably, not fall too hard and break every bone in my body.

Just today, i dashed someone's dreams and aspirations. I stuck a needle into the balloon she was blowing. It burst, right in front of me. Sometimes, being a position to do just that, is not exactly the best place in the world to be. It sucks, but the job called for it. I just hope she will be able to find her calling in life, doing something she loves and excelling in it.

I just hope, that my own dreams will not be dashed in the same way.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you

--- You're Beautiful (James Blunt)

Wow, just realised that i've neglected my blog for 3 days! I've been really swamped with work, and i'm am just so exhausted, maybe from partying, maybe from just the one million and one thoughts running through my head.

Last night was a great night. Went out with my RV track pals for dinner and coffee. Somehow, we managed to hang out like we used to, without any awkwardness, and that was really nice.

But last night, flew by quickly too... i was lost towards the later part of the night, lost in great company, lost in the moment. Didn't want the night to end when it was almost perfect.

This morning came, and wham, i got thrown back into reality. Questions were swirling around my mind, and yet, i came to yet the same conclusion, No, i still can't.

I felt what i haven't felt for a long time, but i am choosing my rationale side, and i'm sticking by it. I am comfortable with that decision, at least for now.

There are other decisions to be made about the future, career-wise. I have to make them quick. At least before tomorrow. There is just this one thing holding me back from taking up this challenge. I am a person, who believes in love, and i would give up anything for real, true and pure love. Right now, i think, there is nothing much for me to give up this challenge for, so i am going ahead with it. I hope this is the right move to make, and i hope everyone agrees with this.

I am keeping my fingers crossed, but not knowing if i actually want this job to come to me......

Work is driving me nuts. Argh. So damn tired after churning out a presentation, which in my boss' opinion, is still not up to par. Disheartening but trudging on, with a smile plastered on my face. Will keep my professionalism. Just hoping that tomorrow goes well.

Sigh. Feeling oddly calm amidst all the work mess. I guess special people are constantly put in your life for different multitudes of reasons, and they will always stay in your life.

Just feeling serene.

Everybody Hurts --- R.E.M

When your day is long and the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries
and everybody hurts, sometimes ...

Sometimes everything is wrong,
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (hold on)
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand, oh no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
no, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
of this life, to hang on

Well everybody hurts,
sometimes, everybody cries,
And everybody hurts ...
sometimes
But everybody hurts sometimes
So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Everybody hurts
You're not alone

" Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year but eventually, it will subside and something else will take its place. If i quit, however, it lasts forever."

- Lance Armstrong

My thoughts are churning, continuously.

I wouldn't say i am upset, or depressed. I am actually just relieved that i can see another path, besides the very path that my heart yearns to stick to.

I wouldn't say that i am totally happy either, i am just trudging on, with life, not feeling. I don't know what would go through my heart if i let it feel again.

I am not forsaking anyone, or not keeping my promises. I would love to, cos i know by doing that i would be following my heart, but right now, there is no reason for keeping those promises, and i am not given that option.

So i am still doing the only thing that i can do, move on with my life. Come what may.

But, i know, it is never say never.

Just today, someone patted me on the back and i looked back. I saw her.

It's been a while since i have hung out with her. Her name is Literature. We go way back to the days of secondary 1, where i had other company in the form of lively Geography and of course, Mr Drab himself, History. She stood out amongst the others, especially the very traditional Chinese who i don't really understand much about, and the one with the many problems, Mathematics. I love the vivacious and exciting Lit.

Today, i got a visit from her, when i flipped open Gaiman's Endless. His words struck me like a chord. He is, the king of personification. In his book, he speaks of various characters like Delirium, Dream, Death, Desire, and of course, Despair, amongst others. Just browsing through the book, one line lingered on in my mind, one particular line about Despair.

"once hope is past, you see her (despair)"

Gaiman is right. Somehow, for prose, you are allowed to interpret it anyway u want, imagine anything u want, unlike something that is already drawn out for you, or filmed for you. In that, lies the beauty of words.

I bought a book today as well. One of my favourites, old school tragic King, Thomas Hardy. Loved Mayor of Casterbridge, so bought another one of his novels, Two on a Tower.
I like Hardy, cos he is so good at tragedies, so melodramatic , but so good. He is amazing, just weaving the intricate plots.

Somehow, tragedies stay in your heart a little longer than fairy tales. Happy endings are plentiful in novels, however, real heartaches stays and lingers, till u remember them. I enjoy reading tragedies and often or not, i remember them, whether it is in novels, or film. Just like City of Angels, Armageddon and Se7en. I can remember the scene where Meg Ryan died, so clearly in my mind, i can remember the pain in Liv Tyler's face when she realised that Brucey has sacrificed himself, and i cannot ever forget Brad's anguish when he saw Gywennie's head in the box thingy.......

Pure pain.

Somehow, amidst all the reflection on pain and Lit, i think i am on the way in getting my life back on track. I don't know if i want to, but at least i am on the path, not thinking, not feeling, just living my life.

I want to blog, i want to respond, but i don't know how and what to say.

All regrets start with the word "if" and i don't want to regret anything. No one should live with regrets. I simply don't know what else i can do.

The death of the heart is definitely more painful, than physical death itself.

Cool photo taken on Friday with my colleagues, HJ and Jas! Love my new Dorothy Perkins red bag. Amazingly cheap too. Photo collage once again, courtesy of HJ. We just have this telepathy between us, somehow we always end up wearing the same colours to work. haha.

It's been a long saturday, went to town for a walk and facial. Hurts like crazy again, but hopefully, it will be great in the long run. So tired and lack of sleep, so will go snooze now.

"Figure out what is in your heart and match it with what's in your mind"

I think that's what i am trying to do.

Wow... just came back from a night out with my pri sch gang! The brains of the gang, aka Thomas just came back from completing his masters in Harvard... Yes, nod your head and say "wow", and Ber just came back from her dance 'tour' in LA after 2 whole mths.

We hung out at Plaza Sing before heading back to chill at Thomas', for a night of drinks, prata, mahjong and amazing conversations.
I finally learnt how to play mahjong the right way, the orthodox and cool way, with all the 'dais' and all. Pwah, complicated but mind-stimulating.

I realised how much we missed Thomas' prescence in the group (esp for his little quips) and of course, we missed having Ber there, for her commentary. I probably didnt say much today, as i am learning, to take a back seat, open my eyes and start observing the people around me, and take in as much as i can. It is an ultimate pleasure to see someone else's perspective and understand how their mind works.

We always end the whole night with meaningful conversations, understanding the going ons in everyone's life and seriously catching up, for all the missed events in our lives. Somehow when i hear them talking about their love and lives, i realised that i didn't have anything to say.
It wasn't because of anything, but just the fact that i am tired. I, for once, feel the relief and lightness of not being in a relationship. It is really a much needed break. I am glad that i didn't hafta think of anything else, and let my mind and heart just heal and rest.

The feeling is much like heaving a sigh, and breathing out real good.

I hope this feeling stays in me, the peaceful and tranquil feeling.

I can see light now, in my future, not alot yet, but abit. It is all good. Everything's gonna be just fine.

Well... i slept like a baby last night. Sweet.

This morning, i actually had a bounce in my step.

Maybe this is what letting go feels like. For the first time in a long while, i am beginning to think for ME, and not HIM. I am being selfish but i think putting myself first will lessen all the pain and the heartaches, and pave my path to recovery.

I realise that i am tired. Tired of giving and not getting anything back. So i guess this is the maximum. I know that i could continue giving till the day i have nothing left, but i think being sane and rationale, i don't think i want to.

Love will still exist, memories will still be fond, nothing's changed, except maybe our futures.

I will look forward to mine, and in my friend's words, " your prince charming will appear and sweep you off your feet."

"Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When i couldn't see
For parting my lips
When i couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me"

-Thank you for Loving Me, Bon Jovi

Change. I am beginning to embrace it.

For the first time in 2 months, i dare to say and admit it, that i am letting go. As ironic as it may seem, but the very meeting that broke my heart into millions of pieces, maybe the very meeting that will start the mending of my heart.

"Courage is about being damn afraid of doing something and yet going ahead with it. "

Conversations, talks, speeches, they are all just words.

Sometimes no matter how long the talk was, no matter what was exchanged during the conversation, each party walks away with bulleted points in their mind. Sentences could be structured perfectly, with flowery language, or they could be chopped up, delivered in stammers or amidst tears, but at the end of the day, the stark truth hits you. It hits you hard.

You walk away from it with points, bulleted points. The bottomline. The points that stand out are the ones that hit straight home, to your heart. They may be things that you don't wanna hear, or even things that you have always wanted to hear, and most likely, both. They stay, in your mind and in your heart.

Everything else becomes blurry, and the focus is now on the points that your heart and mind remembers. That is the aftermath. The points get replayed, over and over again. If its something great, you treasure it with all your heart, if its something hurtful, you wonder if you want to believe it.

The points that i got, some were great, some were devastating. At the end of the day i have to face up to the barenaked facts. I have to decide what i want to do now, cos my own life is the only thing i have control over. I can't control my feelings, but i think i can control which path i want to follow. Whether it is the path less travelled on, i don't know. I just hope whatever is waiting for me at the end of the path, is worth it all.

All i know now, is i must be strong.

ok i am typing, just get that penknife away from my throat!

Gasp.

My dear HJ is "coercing" me to introduce to the world her idol who is here in Singapore. He is the dream king, and she got to hang out with him for a half-hour interview! One-on-one! Yeah one of the many perks of being in the media huh. When is Brad gonna come to our sunny island?

Check out Gaiman's pic...

For fantasy with a twist of the morbid, convoluted modern fairytales that incorporate a dash of everyday ironies and little truths, Gaiman is (pardon the pun) the man. To quote Peter Straub "If this isn't literature, then nothing is".

~Words from Fangirl herself

Everyone has a purpose for their existence.

Some serve their country as heroes, some start wars in other countries. On a micro scale, everyone exists and play a specific role in their human relationships. Mothers are there to take care of their kid, best friends are there to support each other, spouses are there to be there for each other through thick and thin, through sickness and health.

I was once told that i have a calming effect on someone. Whenever something major happens to this person, as long as i was there, everything would be ok. I always relished this role that was given to me. It made me feel good, that i had a specific purpose in someone else's life. It was just one of my many roles in this person's life. I don't mind facing up to the rants and the raving whenever this person was in a bad place. I guess maybe because it was all done out of love.

Right now, i just feel that my purpose in life, for existing, is to be there, no matter what.

" The greatest you'll ever learn is to love, and to be loved in return"

Quote of the day 2:

" If equal affection cannot be...then let the more loving one be me"

I probably wouldn't comprehend that in the past, but i totally understand it now.

Quote of the day:

" We may not always think alike, but somehow we always end up on the same page."

I hope so.

Wow am i swamped with work. Haven't blogged anything in the office today.

Things have been really hectic around the office and it doesn't help that i hafta cope with my piling workload as well as put up with the erratic moodswings of my designers. Argh. Can die.

On a lighter note, i am looking forward to my weekends, where there's a stark contrast with my workweek. Things would be quiet and peaceful, and i can actually find time to read a book or just to slack around the house. I find great pleasure just chilling out.

In trying not to be a boring blogger, here is something cool.

I AM CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM.

Am i predictable or what. So, where's my coffee ice cream?????

You Are Chocolate Ice Cream

You have a flair for the dramatic and love to party. Your personality is super strong and unique. Many people crave you constantly - while you turn a few off. You are most compatible with coffee ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

It's July.

I used to look forward to July & August every year, cos to me, they were months of celebration and joy. July, for a really special occasion, and August for my birthday. They were my favourite months, besides December, for the obvious reason which is Christmas.

This year, things are gonna be different. I am not looking forward to July and August. I don't know where i'll be, what i'll be doing and they are definitely not months of celebration.
Oh how i wish i could turn back time.

Something i remember fondly....

P: Hey babe, do you love me?
E: Of course.
P: How much? Abit or Alot?
E: Abit.
P: oh...

(then we'll break into peals of laughter before getting a great big hug)

It's been a long day at work.

Started the day with a really exciting press con for Neil Gaiman, the amazing author of Sandman comics (or so HJ says) haha. He was a nice interviewee, chatty and open. Kinda reminds me of what Seth (O.C) would be like when he is 40-ish.

Came back to office with a really bad headache, and typed away at my articles with deadlines looming in front of me. ARGH.

Kelvin aka Uncle Lim sent me this funny link to create your own South Park character. It was just plain ol' fun. Attached it for your viewing pleasure. Quite cute right?


Here's the link for the really bored and free people...
http://www.planearium2.de/flash/spstudio.html

My dear HJ has made a really nice photoshop collage of our pics today... so wanna share it with everyone.

Nice eh?

Well, it definitely is a weekend of indulgence.

Went drinking last night with my pri sch gang. Walas again! Then we pub hopped to Breko's where the beer was cheaper. I don't even like beer to begin with, but stil drank anyway.

Woke up early with a headache, just to catch the morning slot for Mr n Mrs Smith. I am, the last person on earth who hasnt gone to show my support for Brad. Loved his buzz cut in the show, and esp when he was in his nice white tee and boxers, way hot. Not to mention, Angelina Jolie... wooooooh........ epitome of hotness.

Went for dim sum buffet with PY, YW and HJ at Goodwood Park Hotel. Spread wasn't too fantastic, but nice place to celebrate YW's bday. It was fun.

Saw a really meaningful line on a friend's nick, which she said was taken from a beautiful song called "I'd Rather".

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

Very true.

Maybe i'm a masochist in love. I will put myself out there, and run the risk of getting hurt again.

It is kinda like stocks and shares, no risk, no gain.

Will risk everything i have for the right person, and i'm willing to open myself up to the possibility of getting hurt again.

I can't cry and I shouldn't cry.

If i cry, i can't be rational. Only when i am rational, can i be there for you, no matter what happens. I promise.

This morning i woke up, with a dull ache in my heart. Somehow i just started tearing, thinking of what i had lost.

For the past few days i was more than fine, but somehow, today is one of the days that i wish he was here with me.

Somehow, i know, it won't be like that, not for a long while. I've gotta make my own way now.

I am so glad that my work kakis are back. suddenly the office seems more alive than ever. Had a nice bday lunch for YW at harborfront and even squeezed in a little shopping time at Body Shop.

Had a great night out with the council folks at dinner. Ate at NYDC n then tried the low-fat ice cream thingy at Gelare's. Yummy. Must try to stay away from sweets though. Trying not to put back the 6 kg that i lost. hahha.

Everyone was kinda stoned and stuff, so they left. Marcus n i decided that the night was still young and we went for margaritas at Walas! Marcus, being the man, was always great company. We bonded over a glass of wine and my frozen lime margarita. Yummy.

We talked about the good ol' carefree days back in JC and we realised everyone changed in some way or another. I realised after everything that has happened, i am not the same old Pam anymore. I am more cynical and wary in life, cautious about every step i take, but yet unsure of what to do next. We realised too, that how weird it was, not being very close in JC, but yet talking freely now. Something i remember from tonight is what Marcus said about fate, "everyone plays a different part in everyone's life at a certain point in time," which is amazingly true. It's just about the right place and time.

Each and every friend that i have in my life, plays a different role to me, has a different kind of importance in my heart, and that role and influence in my life, i should always keep and remember dearly.

I will, for each and every friend, keep a special part of my heart for every time u touch it with a simple act.

Yet, reserving my whole heart for someone who knows it well.

Sometimes the same words get interpreted differently by two different people.

Sometimes the tone and the meaning that you wanna put across just comes out differently thus the end result of both feeling pain...

Sometimes, all the pain in the world is worth it, for the right person.