Monday, January 30, 2006

happy chinese new year to all.

its the first day of the lunar new year, and boy, was it a day of eating eating and more eating.

it's just one of those days where you sit down and realised how much time has flew by without you realising, and when you realise, its already another new year.

i was just eating dinner at my grans place and we were sitting down at the usual "kids" table when we realised that all of us (my cousins) haven't done this for years! we were pretty much like

"it's been years since we really sat down and ate dinner togther, just like the good old days"

more than 10 years back, we used to spend every single Sunday at my grans place, gathering, hanging out, playing funny kid games like catching and "what's the time Mr Wolf?", before heading for our weekly swimming sesh at the pool. Our coach was this rotund tanned Santa Clausy guy, who we remember fondly as Uncle Chan, and he used to drill us in our strokes till we perfected them. Not forgetting the amazing mee siam, hotdogs and horlicks that come along as a reward for every strenous training sesh. Sundays were always remembered as pool days together with a ton of fun. We grew up together, spending our Sundays toghether, and it certainly was a memorable time.

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everything also made me reflect on my life this one whole year, crappy but certainly maturing, in terms of life and my own personal growth.

my closer aunts came up to me with an ang pow in her hand, and knowing what i went through this year, she only said one thing to me,

"i wish you just to have a smooth year, one that is filled with nothing but happiness"

it meant the world to me.

i, having lived through everything, realised how difficult it is just to attain simple happiness, and for that, i wish that onto everyone, that everyone may find the same happiness in their lives.

just by knowing how difficult it is for happiness to come by, i made a promise to myself, that i won't let time go past me, i won't let time stand still. i will move on and make myself happy.

going in search of happiness, something i really wish everyone can find.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

BELIEVE IT OR NOT...



You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone.
You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well.
Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.
You're damn right about the fact that i am gonna blog.

Not because of anything else, but because i see the sunshine after the rain. If the sun shines so brightly after it all, i don't mind even if its gonna be torrential rain at times...

thanks for making me smile still...

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Hj sent me this link to blogthings... and i did a quiz...so here goes


You Are Spring!

Hopeful
Playful
Sweet
Fresh
Airy

Yar... i think i love spring... so this is quite true...


Your Celebrity Style Twin is Kirsten Dunst

More hippie chic than hippie chick.
Kirsten Dunst! Who would have thought? hahah...

Your Perfume is Glow

Fresh, sexy, and clean.

You're real, intimate, and exciting.

Your lush sensuality appeals to men...

And you're as sexy as Jennifer Lopez.

Power scents: Orange flower, grapefruit, and citrus.


Erm... J Lo...

Haha its fun...Try it out babes...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Six very different people, one decade later...




Met up with my secondary school track pals last night at Marche Suntec and then drinks at Balaclava, for the long-awaited gathering. It has really almost been at least 5 years where the 6 of us finally got to sit down together for a nice meal and drinks.

Its just a wonder that 6 people who lead such amazingly different lives, can still come together and have a blast.

We formed a bond way back in Sec 1 or so, where we all belong to the track team. We ran, trained, cried and whined together. After Sec 4, we kinda went our separate ways, pursuing our own futures and kinda lost touch with each other as a group. From time to time, i will get a msg from Yun, or hear news abt Yuqian, bump into Lisa, but there was never a time where we really sat down as the 6 of us, just like the good old days. We even totally lost touch with Jinni, until recently.

Somehow, old friends get reunited again, and it really is a wonder, why so many years down the road, it only just happened now.

Is it because 5 out of 6 of us are single?

Is it because 20s is THE age to catch up with your old friends?

Or simply because we buried the hatchet to any old feuds in the past, the old squabbles were put to rest and we kinda forgot each other's flaws that we couldn't really stand sometimes, or just that, we grew up??

Now, almost a decade since we first met, everyone is leading their own lives. Some happy in their jobs, some happy with their lives, some still figuring out their place in the world. Still, everyone is so remarkably different.

Right now, looking at the girls, i'm just happy that we get to sit down once in a while, at a place like Balaclava last night, and get updated on each others lives. Though we're all busy, it is heartwarming to know that everyone is pretty much the same. We still discover the things that pulled us all together in the first place.

After all, we did grow up together, for 4 years of our lives, meeting every single day and going through the arduous trainings together, and even falling for the same guys.

Well, no regrets ever knowing these 5 amazing ladies, just hafta rem to bring a real cam to the next outing...

Sunday, January 22, 2006

There is so much sadness in this world, but then again, there is still so much love.

Stories of breakups and makeups you hear, are a dozen a day. People live through all the pain and sadness and come out as better people, if not, stronger.

Sometimes i get very cynical, very skeptical about love, and then some thing will appear just to prove me wrong. What is it about this thing called love, i don't really know anymore. I see people around, getting married, planning for their wedding and trying to work out a future together. I am very happy for them, and i smile at the thought of 2 very good and lovely people being together forever.

Right now, i don't really believe in forever. I am turning 24 this year, and i am reaching the quarter of a century mark, but i still haven't found THE ONE. Is there such thing as THE ONE? I don't really know. When will you ever know if someone is THE ONE? You'll prob never know.

When i was younger, i always dreamt of getting married at 27 or 28, and leaving a cool life of love and laughter forever. Now, i really don't see that happening in the near future, much less, i don't really have a guy who would make that happen soon.

So for me, maybe dreams are just dreams. Knowing that your dream won't come true, and you may grow old alone is maybe not that bad. You just learn to start forgoing your dream and start making new ones to fit your life and realise that it ain't so bad after all.

Well, 24 is coming and i welcome it but with a little reluctance. But soon, i will start to embrace it and leave my 23 behind. I will live life the way i like to, and not make myself unhappy anymore. I will let myself be loved by the people around me when they want to and i will let the person who is meant to love me forever find the way into my heart.

As cynical as i am about love and life, i still have hope, a little hope in mankind. I shall sit back and let fate wash over me, for a special someone to walk into my life and have the courage to love me forever. If there is a someone, he will be right. If there isn't a someone, it isn't the end of the world, for at least i will love myself enought to know not to hanker after a love that isn't yours.

Right now, i am pretty happy with my life, with my friends around me. I am still in Singlesville even though i do have someone who is more-than-a-friend. But i always believe that, whatever happens will happen, and if not, it really is not meant to be.

I can stand on my own 2 feet to find myself and my life. Its a great liberating feeling to be alone sometimes, cos you know you are strong enough to forge your own way.

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Went to Km 8 @ Sentosa yesterday to just chill in the sun and enjoy the sea breeze. Love the beach and the amazing "fake" white sand. Watched triathletes training, dogs swimming and ang mohs drinking. It was a day of slacking in the sun...





Monday, January 16, 2006

It's been awhile...

I realised that i only blog when i am extremely sad, happy or i have absolutely nothing to do.

These days, there are pretty much still ups and downs in my life, as in everyone's life, but i have just been very happy over the weekend, i can't explain why, i am just happy. I am feeling light and chirpy and things have been going very well. Not thinking of how long its gonna last, just embracing whatever is in the NOW.

NOW is a big word. I don't dare to take a step to glimpse into the future, for i might not like what i see. For now, i can only live vicariously through others, being happy for people and start dreaming that i could have a life like this, one day... check out IckleOriental's perfect life...

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On another note, i just finished watching the entire first season of Grey's Anatomy . It sure is addictive, somewhat like ER crossed with Felicity... pretty cool. The characters are pretty likable though stereotypical, but the lead, Ellen Pompeo, is pretty cool. She has a certain something about her, i guess its called 'x' factor, that makes u wanna watch her. So, check this show out if you guys liked ER. Not to mention, the really HOT Patrick Dempsey... CUTE.



Tuesday, January 10, 2006

suddenly i seem to have alot of thoughts going through my mind, and i guess one of the main reasons i blog is cos of its cathartic effects, allowing me to release my emotions through the act of typing... and getting an "ahhhh" feeling after that.

i learn alot more about the world, and about myself every single day. i relish this experience of learning and growing and, being the wisecrack that i am, i do fear the day when i am, but a know-it-all and the sponge that i am, is saturated to the point that i can learn no more, or have no want to learn.

today, i learnt that sometimes its good to keep your eye and ears closed. you know how its good sometimes to listen and learn, watch and learn. well, today i guess its just not one of those days.

nothing major happened, and that is my point. i am doing pretty well this new year, great things have happened to me, and i am happy. i feel cared for and wanted, i feel like i am progressing etc. The most important thing of being happy, is being able to keep that feeling in you and feel content. Sometimes the urge to want more is there but still, keeping yourself in check and knowing when enough is enough is important. To maintain this equilibrum, understand how you reached here and how to stay here.

i'm happy today and i was happy yesterday...keeping this equilibrum, stay mum, keep my mouth shut, ears shut, eyes shut.

i'm content.

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on a side topic, i guess most couples will realise this and i do feel and begin to learn this. One of the most important things in a rship is knowing your partner's flaws and being able to accept them.

knowing your partner is one thing, but witnessing and going through rough patches where their flaws jump right at you and stare you in the face is the make-it or break-it point. No one is 100% perfect but most importantly, can your partner withstand your worst quality, be it a character flaw or a behaviourial flaw.

if your partner can accept that the flaw is part of who you are, and still love you despite having the flaw, and stands by you no matter what, then, woah, hang on tight to him/her. its not easy to find that someone who sees it, yet still accepts you for the person that you are.

having found that someone, you will feel inclined to change that flaw, and be a better person, even though it isn't an issue anymore.

that... ladies and gentlemen, i guess is how true love can make a person, better.
I won!

Years of not winning anything, suddenly i became Miss Lucky.

Last night, i got invited to a pretty exlusive party near the MS area. It was organised by Nike and it was an exhibition celebrating the creation of Nike's Air Maxes. An invitation only party, no guesses for which sneakerhead was the one who snucked me the invite.

Upon reaching the nicely done-up minimalist shophouse-esque place, someone marked our names off the 'list' and we filled in the ballot forms.

Ballot forms, yeap, nope we're not registering for Primary One, it was for... the release of the Nike Foot Patrol Air Stabbs. If you guys were wondering how limited this pair is... well, there are only 15 pairs in SG.


Filling in the form, i told Ernie, " I think i'm gonna win it"

We mingled with the other sneakerheads, strolling around, pretending to check out the shoes at the exhibition, trying to jump and break the air max cushion with my heels and just milling around waiting for the draw to happen. Finally, it was about time and we had to make our way to the 2nd floor. Just before the draw, i had this insane gut feeling and i told Ernie again, " I think i'm gonna win it"...

then... for size 9, they read out my name. Ahhhh. I was kinda half embarrassed and half happy. haha. i knew it. ha.

needless to say, the happiest guy on earth is the one who invited me cos after that the other sneakerheads were patting his back and telling him he's a lucky guy. hah.

it took a while for it to set in as it was still pretty surreal... even after watching a 3 hour King Kong (yes i am slow) we walked out of the cinema realising that we won! hah.

maybe it had something to do with my horoscope...

"A powerful set of cosmic energies is coming your way, making sure that that spectacular something you've been hoping for is bound to happen. "

Saturday, January 07, 2006

i am not a good friend.

Somehow i believe that. Today i did stuff that made people who cared about me worry so much, and all i thought about is what i cared.

i do admit that i am selfish beyond belief, i am paranoid and i am a perfectionist. i care too much about the way people view me, and i can't take it if what they see is an imperfect image of me. Ironic side is, i know i am imperfect, thats why i always wanna portray the good side of myself to everyone, even the people who have known me since my teens and i end up screwing everything up.

i feel that everyone is judging me in the small head of mine.

so when people say the things they say or give their opinions, sometimes, i feel that it is a personal attack against me and i can't swallow it, making me feel very indignant. however, most of these times, they are just but harmless comments that had no name born on its arrow, not directed to anyone in particular, much less personal.

just now, someone handed me a mirror to make me see who i really was, and that everything was in my head. i saw what i saw in the mirror and i sure despise what i saw. it is not easy to see yourself for what you really are and wish your eyes were blurry or that everything is not for real.

alot of what i see is from alot of baggage everywhere, failed friendships, lost friendships... somehow you learn to build up a defense mechanism, even when there is no need for one. When something goes wrong, i run, i hide. i feel that the whole world has abandoned me, and i am all alone. in that instance, it seems, no one understands.

all i can say now, is jus that i still hope people won't see that side of me, and stop being my friends. those who have, and are still here, i am counting my blessings.

for everything that happened today... i can only say i am sorry that i am just still growing up and learning the worst about myself. thank you all for still caring and worrying... it means the world.

i guess this really means you can't put a tag on friendship, true friendship.

Monday, January 02, 2006

WELCOME 2006!

I'm glad to wave goodbye to 2005, a year of ups and downs, good and bad. I'm looking forward to the new year and i have faith that it would be a good one.

guess its now time to sum up the year and set some resolutions. I know i'm kinda slow and should've done it before the year ended but i guess its better late than never.

i guess its apt to start with the bad things first...

the bad:
  • the breakup in april
  • suffering from severe heartbreak for the rest of the year
  • got admitted to hospital on suspected apendicitis
  • cried way past my quota of tears allocated for a year
  • had to sit by a few of my good friends as they suffered the same fate: breakups (2005 is such a breakup year)
the good:
  • the breakup in april
  • finding out that some things never did change, and some things will change for the better in the future
  • my dear cousin Mel got engaged
  • mama kate's wedding
  • was kinda 'promoted' to editor-in-chief by default
  • opened my eyes and found out who my real friends are, making new friends and catching up with old friends
  • the journey towards real happiness
  • finally got my diving cert! *new!
haha, maybe i am an eternal optimist, though the year was really hard to endure and sucky for most part, i did somehow come up with more good points than bad. I am thankful that i didn't let the bad get to me for the later part of the year and i am proud of who i still am...

so, my resolutions for the coming year (that i usually do not keep but i will try my darnest) are:
  • Arrive early/on time for work
  • Try to work out at least once a week
  • Keep my weight consistent (as in consistently low..ha)
  • Eat less fried food and more healthy food (that means buh-bye KFC)
  • Learn to listen better
  • Plan my time wisely
  • Save more
  • Keep learning every single day, gain new knowledge about the things around, or the people around.
  • Love unconditionally
well all in all, i am glad to be able to spend the turn of the new year with really great company (see below) . It was so much fun and just the perfect way to send away a horrid year and usher in the new...

May 2006 be a year filled with love, life and laughter for everyone...